Stupid Little Human Thing
by ClearAsCrystal269
Summary: It was during one of their more quiet moments that Karkat learns something new about Human physiology that he never knew before.


**I AM BACK MOFOS! *enters in raging inferno of motercycles and flame throwers* YOU MISS ME? Anyway, as im sure you can see, Homestuck has taken over my life. JohnKat and GamTav are my OTP's. Dear god I can`t stop watching it, nor do I want to. Enjoy this little mind baby. Sorry if it's a bit rusty- it has been like, half a year people. Enjoy~ !**

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The meteor had been especially calm recently. Everybody was finally beginning to get along, even if it did get a little tense at times due to Vriska and Eridan's fragile kismesis, but the majority of the time they were off filling buckets so nobody complained.

One of the biggest accomplishments of peace, though, was the realisation of Karkat and John being together. Karkat didn`t know how to class their relationship in the Trollian quadrents, as he felt all kinds of colours for John, much to his dismay, so they were going by the human term of 'boyfriends' for the time being.

Everybody could see how much good they did for each-other; Karkat had calmed, if only slightly, and John had matured. Dave found the whole situation hilarious, considering the rant Karkat had gone off on only weeks beforehand about not interspecies mingling, Vriska was a little jealous at first, but got over it pretty quick. Feferei, Nepeta and Gamzee thought they were the cutest little motherfucking nubs and the rest really weren`t that bothered.

John agreed with Dave at the hilarity of the situation and Karkat threatened to do acrobatic moves off of multiple objects if nobody would shut up about their private relationship. John thought it was adorable to watch Karkat go off on one of his famous rants. In fact, John thought Karkat was adorable in general. Especially when he purred. And, luckily enough for John that was exactly what Karkat was doing right now.

 **Be John:**

Karkat was snuggled up against John`s chest, fitting like a perfect puzzle piece, purring away in content relaxation. John was gently working his fingers through the thick black hair atop his head, being extra careful around Karkat's horns. If there was one thing John didn`t need it was another rant about inappropriate toughing of horns without permission.

They were so comfortable with each other, locked away from the other occupants of the meteor in Karkat's room, just them together in the soft silence of their love….it made it all the worse when John sneezed.

"ACHOO!"

Karkat jolted so severely he fell off the human resting device, taking John with him, and they landed in a jumble of limbs on the floor. John was in hysterics, crying silently with the force of his laughter while Karkat freaked out and launched into another rant.

"What the fucking hell was that?! I have no idea what sort of sick, maggot filled thing that was but I don't like it! It was loud enough to wake the Alternian armies from their six foot, worm infested graves, and it made you heave like you were about to vomit out rainbows of Aradia's shitty casserole! JOHN STOP LAUGHING I'M BEING FUCKING SERIOUS!" Karkat had by this point gotten up off of the floor and started gesticulating wildly.

If anything he was making John laugh harder.

John took a deep breath and sat up, attempting to collect himself enough to talk to a panicking Karkat. "Ka-Karkat, it was a sneeze you numbnuts. An involuntary reaction to getting something like dust up your nose. I'm fine, you're fine and neither of us are going to be overrun by Alternian armies anytime soon. God you're such an idiot sometimes."

Karkat still didn`t seem to be satisfied. "I`ve never seen you 'sneeze' before and I sure as hell have never sneezed myself."

John pushed himself up off the floor and wrapped his arms around Karkat's waist. Karkat tutted and faced away from his stupid ass boyfriend. "It must just be a human thing. A human thing that mostly happens when said human is sick or suffering allergies."

"Then why did you sneeze?" Karkat, though he'd never admit it out loud, was concerned. He'd seen John suffer from those human colds and make those weird jerking movements he now knew to be sneezes and they didn`t look like fun. "Are you sick, or suffering from allergies?"

John chortled. "Ah nah I think I just got a little dust up there or something. Nothing serious."

Finally satisfied with the answer, Karkat leaned back into John. "Fine. But could you give a Troll some warning next time?"

John scoffed, pulling the angry little nub down to sit with him back on the human resting device. "Nooooo, cause then you can`t sneeze and it feels really weird all up in your nose. Like, weirder than Gamzee and his horn pile. What is up with that, by the way?"

Karkat shrugged, letting the blue eyed human pull him back down. "Beats me. Probably something to do with all that sopor pie he eats. If he ever offers you some run as fast as your tiny human legs can carry you."

John huffed. "They are not tiny! They're inverse proportioned to the size of my torso."

Karkat laughed and put his hand on John's knee. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

John threw his hands in the air, making wild gestures before promptly laying down facing his boyfriend, a shit eating grin on his face. "Ooohh! Buuurnnnn! I am so burnt right now, I think it might be third degree. Someone call an ambulance. Oh, wait, we're on a fucking meteor asteroid thingy so I'm just gonna have to sit here slowly blistering at the heat of that burn."

Karkat rolled his eyes at John's absurdity and curled up next to him. "Hardy har har John. I'm laughing so hard at your human sarcasm. Watch me laugh. Hold on, I`m not because you are so shitty at your own disgruntled human form of communication that even little wrigglers can use it better than you."

Karkat was promptly shut up when John tangled his fingers back through the Trolls hair, once again producing that adorable purring sound from his boyfriend. John thought it best to leave this little discussion at a point where Karkat felt he had won, as a little consolation for scaring the poor fire pot earlier.

Luckily for Karkat, John ceased sneezing for the rest of the day and their afternoon was spent in relative peace, forgetting that one stunt Terezi tried to pull with Gamzee's horns and Vriska's webs. Seriously, it was ridiculous how she even thought that would work.


End file.
